Alderney Police Plan For The Muratti...

This may or probably not be happening.

At the Alderney police station, high-level discussions have been taking place between the police, Alderney and Guernsey Football Clubs, and the wider Bailiwick community. These high-level talks are the first of many as the islands build up to the Channel Islands' primary inter-island competition. The aim is to stop the rivalry from boiling over.

The discussions headed to the Chez at about 10 pm-ish last night as all parties sought to find a winning solution away from the office. But this blog has been let into those high-level discussions and can exclusively reveal that they are not expecting any real problems. The police are confident that the relationship between Alderney and Guernsey has improved dramatically since the COVID pandemic knocked the Bailiwick into a sense of togetherness.

Down at the Alderney football pitch the director's box is been prepared the champagne has been put on ice, the glasses have been polished, and the changing rooms below have been given the proverbial once over. The white lines are about to be repainted. Away from the clubhouse, the ice cream van is being stocked with flakes and Cornettos.

While the real mastermind of the operation is the fantastically talented manager, Josh. Josh has been deciding on how many holding midfielders, playing out from the back, and whether he wants the ball to travel beyond the halfway line. A pragmatist in the mould of Simone or Conte. He is bound to get his clipboard out and be analysing footage of his players with the evergreen Ross, his charming assistant.

The footballer's wives are preparing their chants and honing their abilities to motivate their sporty husbands and they are the ones who are wondering asking: could this be Alderney's year? On this occasion they really want their husbands to score. Of course, Guernsey with all their resources on tap are hoping not. Guernsey's opposition scouts have been going over dossiers and planning for worst-case scenarios.

In the pubs of Guernsey, there are bands of local but unnoticeable undercover spies sussing out all the political intricacies of both the fixture and the wider implications of a football match. The spies of Alderney and Guernsey are confident that no takeover bid is being planned by either side of this unique inter-island battle. But are they just giving 3-2-3-1-1 the ultimate run around?

3-2-3-1-1 can now exclusively reveal that The Territorial Tactical Unit of Alderney Police, has gone out to the pub. When they will leave is the more pertinent and pressing question...